Fourteen Years - For Better or For Worse

May 1997

So there we were, getting ready to walk down the aisle and be married in front of 300 of our closest friends and family. We knew that we were destined for eternal happiness, with laughter and dancing around every corner. Marital bliss...happily ever after.

Whatever.

Don't get me wrong, we have had and continue to have enormous amounts of fun and laughter, silliness, some dancing and even bliss. Happiness comes and goes, but we are learning the secret of constant joy, which is not dependent on circumstances.

Above left, at the first church we served together in 1997; Len was appointed to Fairview when he was 18. Fairview was just down the road from Grandview, which had a grand view of the Ohio River. Fairview overlooked acres of corn and beans.

Above right, ready for a night on the town in 2009.

Marriage, we have found, is a lot of hard work woven into the bliss and rose petals. We have learned are learning to communicate wisely - not too much and not too little, being aware of a dozen factors that determine if it's a good time to talk about the good or bad things we have to discuss.

We've learned that we are very different people. Okay, we knew that going into this union. Although back in that first year, it was exciting to be around someone so different. He is so organized and together! She is so fun-loving and spontaneous! He is such a hard worker! She is such a free spirit! These are all good things, but in those early years of marriage, we had to learn how to appreciate each others' differences and not apply labels of good, bad, etc. The variety of strengths in our marriage is staggering, and when we support each other in our strengths, we can really thrive as individuals and as a family. When we pick each other apart for our weaknesses (we have a wide breadth of those as well!), misery abounds.

Christmas 2007, after adding two to our little love nest

But what we've learned through all of our ups and downs is this: we are in it together. For better or for worse, right? There is no plan B. We are committed to doing life together no matter what the day holds. And what we've found surprising is how much control we have over what each day holds. We can choose to look for God's mercies new each day, or we can complain about what that goes wrong. Every day brings both. We choose mercies. But it takes practice, and we're still learning every day!

2011 in Tanzania. Photo by Kevin French

And since we're in it together, we may as well have a good time, right? I have seen couples who are miserable together, mainly because they choose misery over joy every day. I want to grow old with smile lines at the corners of my eyes and lips. Now that the lines have appeared, it's a good time to really train them to point the right direction. Enjoying doing life together is good for us AND our children. It's a lovely road!